sarcastic crying noises

I hate that I’m such a jealous person like I probably make people feel awful about being happy like I don’t want my friends to feel bad about me when they should be feeling good and idk
I don’t want to exist
I’m mad my parents ever met and I’m mad that I was ever born because now I’m too scared to want to die but I hate myself enough to want to have never existed
I mean everyone would be fine/better off without me but since I’m a huge wimp and an even bigger asshole I still keep myself here and alive
nobody deserves to put up with me

it’s happening

i feel like ive been twisted into thinking that everything i feel right before my period or on my period i shouldn’t trust because my mom has been telling me that for years and using it as a means to totally disregard my feelings but like isn’t the whole “mood swings for that time of the month” supposed to be a bunch of bullshit??

times like this really make me wish i lived near amara because i would kill to be able to hold my best friend

my head hurts really bad from crying 

oh thank god cathy got pback to me i ‘m so relieved she’s gonna call me tomorrow when she get s off work thank god

bpd is ruled out because i don’t act impulsively and my symptoms are really much milder i guess like?? i don’t exactly fit. it’s close. but not really 

i just want to know why i’m so cynical and why i can’t find the will to do anything idk like there’s so mmuch wrong with me but not enough like

i dont even feel significant enough for an illness

someb ody please talk to me

i can hear my dad complaining about me 

he’s sitting right under my window complaining and i just messaged cathy asking if she could pick me up soon

i shouldn’t have to ask an adult to come rescue me